Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
We The People
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thoughts From Mr George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty five I still had pimples.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Quotes For Thought
"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
— Oscar Levant
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein
"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)
"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."
— Orson Welles
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
— George Burns
— Oscar Levant
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein
"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)
"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."
— Orson Welles
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
— George Burns
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
