The Economy Is So Bad That.......

The economy is so bad that:


•I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

•African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

•I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

•CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

•Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

•My ATM gave me an IOU!

•A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

•I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife,

•I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

•If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

•McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

•Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

•Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

•My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

•A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

•Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

•A picture is now only worth 235 words.

•They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street ."

•When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

•The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

•Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

•And, finally...... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...


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Why Teachers Drink......

Explain why phosphorous tri-chloride is polar.
God made it that way

What type of attractive force or bond holds the sodium ions and chloride ions together in a crystal of sodium chloride?
James Bond

Briefly explain what hard water is.
Ice

What's a nitrate?
Much cheaper than a day rate

What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Unused names

Name one of the early Romans greatest achievements.
Learning to speak latin

Name six animals which specifically live in the Artic.
Two polar bears and four seals

Name the wife of Orpheus, who he attempted to save from the underworld.
Mrs Orpheus

What happens during puberty to a boy?
He says goodbye to his childhood. Enters adultery.

Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet per second, and the speed limit is 40 miles per hour. Is Steve speeding?
He could find out by checking his speedometer