How To Avoid Getting Hired

Your resume is a carefully crafted chronicle of what you've achieved....and how indispensible you'll be to prospective employers. That's what it's supposed to be anyway. This list of real life resume bloopers appeared in Fortune Magazine.....

"I demand a salary commiserate of my extensive experience."

"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms."

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity Leave."

"Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions."(a congressman/woman?)

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah', over my experience."

"You'll want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"I procrastinate, especially when the job is unpleasant."

"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

"Finished 8th in my class of ten."

"References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."(current/recent u.s. president(s)?)

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."