Bumper Snickers

Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?

Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

D.A.M.M.- Drunks Against Mad Mothers

DANGER: I drive like you do!

DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.

DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Death is the consequence of being alive.

Deep down, divers care.

Democrats=Beaureaucrats: STUPID

Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!!!

Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)

Did you check if your horn works?

Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?

Diplomacy Is Saying “Nice Doggy” Until You Find A Rock

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.


Learn How To Become A Profitable Tutor!

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants. ~Dave Beard

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~Carl Zwanzig

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Author Unknown

You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
~Mike Myers (Austin Powers: Goldmember)

You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music.
~Jim Carrey


Want To Learn A New Language? It's Easy! Start Right Here!

A Man's Best Friend

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and
never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and
comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live
without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his
deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man
in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy,
Seductive, and invincible. . .

No, wait . . .! Sorry . . ., I am thinking of beer.
That's what beer does . . .
Never mind.


Gagdets AND Gizmos. And Some Pretty Good Holiday Gift Ideas.

Things I've Learned Not To Do

To all my friends, thank you for sending me your chain letters.

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found it is good for removing toilet stains.

I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I have stopped answering the phone for fear they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I will get a bill from Tokyo, Singapore, or the Philipines.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear the estrogens they contain may may contain may turn me gay.

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because I found out that McDonalds and KFC foods are designed to outlive me.

I also donated all my savings to Amy Bruce, that poor sick girl who was about to die in a hospital about 4,000 times. Funny, that girl has been 7 since 1993.(must be the food from McDonalds)

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their email programs.

And now I am positive this is because of a chain letter I broke, or forgot to follow up on, and received the curse from hell they are always telling you about.


Make Money From Ebay(it's actually very simple)