It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants. ~Dave Beard

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~Carl Zwanzig

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Author Unknown

You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
~Mike Myers (Austin Powers: Goldmember)

You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music.
~Jim Carrey


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