"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
"When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."
"I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge."
"Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If it's the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?"
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
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