Witty Sayings

1) One of the best feelings in the world is emptying your pockets in the evening, and knowing you can leave all the junk there until the next day.
2) Those who have guinea pigs never have to throw out any vegetables.

3) If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are.

4) No one likes a smartass

4') Especially another smartass.

4") Unless they have their own TV show, then they're a comic genius.

5) Arguing with a zealot is only slightly easier than tunneling through a mountain with your forehead.

6) Anyone capable of getting themselves elected president has shown that they should not be allowed to do the job. (Apologies to Douglas Adams)

7) Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. (Isaac Asmiov)

8) Right, because usually the compentent don't wait that long. (Jerry Pournelle)

9) Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is an enemy action. (Ian Fleming, Goldfinger)

10) Never turn your back on a charging turtle.

11) Never get in a spitting contest with a llama.

12) Projectile vomiting rarely gets you a return invitation anywhere.

13) Never throw toilet paper on a bear.

14) Hyenas laugh becasue they know what's coming next.

15) Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot more fun than it sounds.

15') Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.

16) Calling your mother and pretending to be an encyclopedia salesman doesn't go over too well.

17) The prime motivation for all human behavior is the need to feel superior to someone else.

18) He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.