If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, & 6.
If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want; stay on the line and we'll trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.
If you schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the 'hash' key until the 'beep'. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
If you have low self-esteem hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
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