Great Truths

No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the taste.

Laughing in good exercise. Kinda like jogging on the inside.

Families are like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster ride.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Time may be a great healer, but it is a lousy beautician.

You cannot trust a dog to watch your food.


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