Enlightenment

Why should I waste time learning from my past when I am busy worrying about my future?

A Democrat is a person who sees a glass partially filled and says, "This gass is half full!" A Republican is a person who sees the same glass and says, "Hey! Who's been drinking my water?"

You can't have everything in life. Where would you put it?

Why do people say "needless to say"?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then Congress is the opposite of progress.

What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

I'm sorry, that's not vague enough for me. Could you be a little less specific?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

What kind of cruel, demented person put an "s" in lisp?

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I

Zen Crafters: Total enlightenment in about an hour!

I have a mind like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in thirty-seven states.

If you think of a color that does not exist, is it a pigment of your imagination?

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Actually, the alphabet isn't really in that order at all. We've been duped.


Have some curves you'd like to lose?